[x]

The DreamThe smile makes me shiver.
Cold runs down my spine.
I know what he wants,
wants to take what's mine.

But I won't let him.
No, now this is my story.
I will be the victor.
He can't have the glory.

He lurches forward,
but I knew he would.
I remember everything now.
I do what I should.

I jump to the side,
run for the door.
I smile at the "thump"
as he hits the floor.

I've nearly reached the handle,
suddenly I feel his hand.
No, I have to keep trying,
but I don't understand.

Why am I fighting?
He would never hurt me.
I let go of the handle,
turn around easily.

He smiles once more,
something tells me to run,
but why would I leave him?
We alwa

Cold HeartedI'm tearing them down,
Piece by piece.
Let the walls fall,
Let the pain increase.

I stare my pain in the face,
Let it rip me a part.
Show what I've always feared,
In the depths of my cold heart.

I review my lack of care,
All the people that I've hurt.
When did I become so cold?
When did loved ones turn to dirt?

What happened to me?
Once so loving and kind.
When did it get so bad?
Did I suddenly lose my mind?

I want to trust again,
To love and to care,
But is the risk to high?
Is the cost of pain fair?

I realize that it's not.
I'm safe within my walls.
So much better to be cold,
Then to get hurt in the fall.

My smileMy smile was once so easy,
a thing of joy and pride,
but over these years of darkness,
the ease has slowly died.

I find it's no longer truth,
but simply a lying mask.
It hides away the misery,
the hauntings of my past.

I refuse to look at pictures.
I see what others ignore.
The uneasiness of my smile.
How it has turned into a chore.

Will I ever truly smile,
with joy, pride, and truth,
or will I never know a smile?
Will it die with the rest of my youth?

Please, i wish to laugh,
to smile without a care,
but I'm not good enough for this,
and I guess that is fair.

FallingThis feeling in my chest,
Like I'm about to burst,
And I cannot find the words
To correctly describe this curse.

I want to scream till I'm hoarse,
Smack my hands against the wall,
As I struggle to express
My emotional f
a
L
L
That's what it is,Falling.
Down my sanity goes.
I have to find a grip
Before this free fall comes to a close.

But I cannot find my voice.
The whispers tickle at my ears.
Is it finally going to end,
After all of these years?

Find a grip.
Can't, this is the end.
Wish i could find the strength
To say good bye to my friend.

And a love that I'll miss.
One I was grateful for.
I love you ple

You didn't dare.She smiled,
but it was fake.
She laughed,
but she's about to break.

She reached out,
but no one came,
tried to fake it,
but the pain stayed the same.

This girl, she called to you,
but you didn't care.
Something told you to help,
but you didn't dare.

What would the others say?
The ones who called her a freak.
They may taunt or shun you,
so you choose not to speak.

Then she decides to leave.
Because no one wants her here.
You'll never see her cry.
She'll never shed another tear.

Won't Give InI'm getting weak,
can't find the light.
Too tired to try,
Too tired to fight.

I want to give in,
let my grip slip,
start the fall,
let myself trip.

But I can't let go.
I need to stay here.
Despite all the hardships,
despite all my fear.

I'll keep going.
I won't give in.
Though I feel like dying,
though my chances are grim.

So say hello to me,
this act I put on,
till my time comes,
till God says I'm done.

My MonstersI can't breathe.
It's too tight.
I hear so many things,
can't trust my sight.

The monsters surround.
No, they're not really here.
They reach out to grab me.
They smell my fear.

Have I finally lost my mind?
Am I totally insane?
Is this all in my head?
Is it just a sick game?

Or are they really there?
Do they smile as I scream?
Do they laugh at my tears?
Please, let this be a dream.

But it's not a dream.
I can't get out.
A hand surrounds my neck,
no air to shout.

Tears stream freely.
They start to close in.
I pray to god to help me,
to forgive all my sin.

The world starts to fade.
I can no longer see.
I smile in bliss.
I'm finally free.

My SongThe music swirls all around,
till all I hear is the joyous sound,
twirling, spinning, moving me,
and the endless notes are all I see.

The beat becomes my hearts own.
I feel as though the light has shown,
and all the sadness fades away,
and I finally see a happier day.

My lips part, and I sing along
To such a redeeming, beautiful song.
These moments come and go too fast.
I enjoy them greatly as they last.

I laugh in glee.
I feel so free.
What magic is this,
this utter bliss?

Stay with me, my pretty song,
with you the days don't seem so long.
With you I am so filled with hope,
I know with you, somehow I'll cope.

Together we'll stay.
You'll

Time To GoYou climbed all the way up,
just to fall so far down.
You're screaming in fear,
but no one hears a sound.

And as you fall into the dark,
that you fought so hard to ignore,
you begin to realize
this is what you've waited for.

As your heart goes cold,
and you no longer feel,
you smile just slightly,
hope this is real.

No more fighting,
no more screams,
say good-bye
to all the bad dreams.

You'll be alone now,
what you've always wanted.
Your fears can no longer reach.
You'll never again be haunted.

So smile as the darkness
wraps you up tight.
Embrace the cold touch,
ignore all the light.

You'll be happier here,
this I know.
Soon I'll join y

Your Light, My FearThe walls are starting to cave.
I can't find the will to pretend.
I don't want to be your slave.
I just want this to end.

I can't take the fear,
the uncertainty of not knowing.
Can't you see, dear?
My strength is slowly going.

Are you there for me?
Will you catch me when I fall?
Because you don't seem to see.
You don't answer my call.

Am I a fool to believe?
Is this all just a lie?
Are you just waiting to leave?
Don't care if I die.

I wish I could run,
but i can't find the will.
I pick up the gun,
but find little urge to kill.

So I'll stay here,
no need to fight.
Ignore my fear,
focus on your light.

My MaskI put my mask on.
Time to face the day.
Time to plaster on a smile.
Time to pretend it's okay.

I want to crawl in bed.
Leave the world behind.
You're too ugly to go out,
whispers my mind.

I know I am,
I stifle a cry.
I want to leave,
I want to die.

My mask is done,
and I have to go.
Time to face the people.
Time to put on my show.

Farewell to MeI search for the light,
but find only death,
can't find a way out,
can't catch my breath.

Will anyone come to help,
save me from this place?
No. No one will come.
I don't deserve their grace.

I will sit in misery,
drowning with each tear.
Day after day.
Year after year.

I used to hope,
think someone would help,
take me from here,
and I'd find myself.

But this is my fate.
I'll never be free.
This is my end,
my farewell to me.

Memories?How do you stay sane,
when the screams echo in your ears?
This is not a game,
these are living fears.

I'm searching for the truth,
but find only confusion.
Was it a secret in my youth,
or just an illusion?

Did he really hit her,
or was it a dream?
It's all such a blur,
and things aren't always as they seem.

Should I ask them?
No, they'd never tell.
Was it enough to condemn?
Will he go to hell?

Did he really do it?
Do I even want to know?
Maybe I should quit,
let the memories go.

Ignorance is bliss,
that I know too well.
The memories, I dismiss.
Send them all to hell.

End of my ShowI'm lost,
Can't find my way.
I'm confused and scared.
It gets worse everyday.

Someone show me,
is there a way to escape?
A way to get out?
Or is this just my fate?

I'll do anything.
I need to be free!
Escape this darkness,
find the real me.

But I find it hopeless.
I will never get out.
There's no use in fighting.
No reason to shout.

I'm giving in,
letting myself go.
No more acts,
the end of my show.

LostLost.
I am lost.
Falling.
Falling.
F
A
L
L
I
N
G.
I have no direction.
I'm falling into a universe,
An alternate reality.
I am trapped.
Twisting, turning,
Pushing, pulling,
Stop, go.
Endless cycles,
That never stop.
Inside those cycles,
I am
Lost.

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More from ~lostmyslef

GrassesThe grass is green
On neither side.
Both are yellowed.
I try to hide.

But they fight for me.
They scream and shout.
I search and fight,
Fight for a way out.

But the grasses surround.
I can't be free.
Let me go!
Is death the key?

Will i find escape,
In pills or a knife?
Or will they bring me back?
My efforts ending in strife.

It's worth a shot.
I'll do anything to be free.
I don't want to live like this.
I'm putting an end to me.

Monster MeI stare in the mirror,
at what I've become.
Disgusted,
by what I've done.

I would cry,
But I'm sick of tears.
Wasted,
are all these years.

Look away.
I can't stand what I see.
Terrified,
by this monster me.

Why can't I go,
stay away?
Impatient,
for my due day.

I'll leave.
As soon as i can.
Creating,
my greatest plan.

I'll escape,
this monster me.
Smiling,
as I'm finally free.

My voice?I tried to smile,
laugh through the pain,
but it's been a while,
I think I'm insane.

I can't hear my own voice.
The one that says what I want.
Now I have no choice.
You never did, it taunts.

It tells me what I should say.
It tells me who I am.
It tells me everyday.
Am I the lion or the lamb?

Am I as weak as I feel,
or as strong as I pretend?
Am I cold and hard as steel,
or just waiting for it to end?

Who am I?
Do I really want to know?
I end with a sigh.
The voice is telling me to go.

time to endI screamed as i fought,
Freedom is what i sought.

But the darkness had other plans,
Horrifying, Bone chilling demands.

I threw back my head,
Screamed, but my voice was dead.

The years of abuse,
My mind was no longer in use.

So i let the darkness take me,
Let it convince, death is the key.

I swallowed the pills
The ones i was sure would kill.

But the next morning came,
But not quite the same

I was ill.
The pills weren't enough to kill.

I haven't tried since then,
But the darkness whispers it's time to end.

My StoryYou scream,
and you fight,
fight for the light.

It's so dark,
and he's so close
your fear so obviously shows.

He's smiling,
you're no match for him,
Your chances are grim.

Hes pinned you down,
and you give one last struggle,
too late, hes reached his buckle.

Now it's gone,
your innocence and light,
no reason to hope, no reason to fight.

Let go of yourself now,
but you're already gone,
no light, only dark will go on.

Your life is changed forever.
Now the depression will start.
Your mind will tear itself apart.

How do I know
of all this pain?
This is also my story, we're one and the same.

Do you rememberDo you remember
when you loved going to school,
when all the kids weren't so cruel?

Do you remember
when you laughed without a care,
didn't mind the talks or the stare.

Do you remember
when you left your face clean,
didn't need a mask to be seen?

Do you remember
how happy you were,
back when you were young and pure?

Do you ever
want to go back,
travel to age 5 with only a snap.

I would
pass by age 10,
when the happiness came to an end.

I'd be
a new person now.
sadness I wouldn't allow.

Take me
back to age 5,
perhaps then I could survive.

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Submitted: February 7
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Are you blind?

by ~lostmyslef, Feb 7, 2013, 3:39:13 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Traditional Fixed Forms

Are you blind to my misery,
Or do you choose not to look?
I want to share my story,
But you close me like a book.

I'm screaming as I cry,
But you refuse to hear.
Look away as I die,
Ignore each little tear.

Am I not loud enough?
Is that why you ignore my scream?
My life is tough,
Help me escape this bad dream.

I scream a bit higher.
Please, I need your help!
My circumstances are dire.
I'm losing myself.

But you do not help me,
And I've decided to give up.
Maybe then you'll see.
Ha! That's just my luck.

Are you blind?by ~lostmyslef

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Traditional Fixed Forms

I wrote this today, my first submission since i got sick. Hope you like it.

love 3 3

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Flagged as Spam

~lostmyslef May 11, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Again, don't know you. But thanks, I guess. Please don't call me your "love" I'm in a relationship.

~Lynn-10397 Mar 10, 2013 New member

~lostmyslef Mar 11, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

thank you

~1DragonKitty3 Feb 9, 2013 Student General Artist

Quite lovely....it speaks volumes.

~lostmyslef Feb 10, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

why thank you

~RenosGirl77 Feb 9, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

One good thing about people dragging you down/ignoring your pain: it makes you extra sensitive to unspoken pain and the feelings of others, so you can help them even though people failed to help you. My kids will never suffer alone because of what I had to go through as a kid.

~lostmyslef Feb 10, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

true, I guess we become more understanding and caring people, god knows the world needs more of them.

~RenosGirl77 Feb 10, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Exactly!! If people were never horrible to you, you would never know how much it hurts, so you would never learn how to be kind to others. So long as there are still a few good people in the world, it's never hopeless.

*SereneCyrene Feb 8, 2013 Student General Artist

I like this a lot! Great work.

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