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Pretty blue pills,
shiny in my palm,
the ticket to my peace,
to my eternal calm.

They're so perfectly round,
and soon they'll be in me.
The closest to perfect
that I'll ever be.

They go down so smooth.
Five, ten, fifteen and twenty.
Soon I'll be gone.
Twenty-five and Thirty.

That should be enough,
but I'll play it safe.
Thirty-five and forty.
Now I have no more to take.

The bottle is empty,
as empty as I feel.
None of this is happening,
too good to be real.

But soon I start to drift
into a dark unknown fog.
Somewhere quite distantly.
I hear a muffled sob.

But I blow it off as fake.
Nobody could possibly care.
I doubt anyone's noticed
that I'm no longer there.

But then I hear my name,
just a distant call.
I feel myself lift higher.
No! I want to fall!

I ignore the voice in earnest,
but it's calling me up, up, up.
Please let me be.
That life was too tough.

I like this fog,
this numbing haze,
free from the ridicule,
from the judging gaze.

But inevitably I come up,
eyes open so slight.
There are people all around
and a harsh fluorescent light.

Damn, it didn't work.
How many times must I try?
I struggle against the doctors,
please let me die.

I'll be locked up here awhile,
among these padded walls,
but soon they'll let me go,
and I'll answer death's calls.

I guess pills aren't my thing.
I'll try something new.
Maybe a gun,
yes, those survivors are few.

Good-bye world.
This will be my last try.
There's no chance for survival,
finally time to die.
Alright, this one's really long and not so good, but I needed to just let my feelings out on this, so leave me alone about it pretty please. No mean comments. Critiques are always nice, but I really can't afford any put downs right now.
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:iconraphandroll:
RaphAndRoll Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I loved this one and I hope that you feel better. People with such talent don't deserve to feel this way.
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:iconamewaalk:
amewaalk Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this is really great.  i thank God everyday for people like you who can put what others just don't dare to say down in such beautiful words.  
thank you <3
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem, thank you for such a beautiful comment
Reply
:iconimagoinfinitum:
imagoinfinitum Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
...are you referring to Xanax?
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:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Student Writer
I love the emotion in this poem. It is really good. Please don't think that no one cares, even if they are random strangers on the internet SOMEBODY cares and wants you to be alright. Including me. Okay? And don't regard those negative comments as put downs, they just want to help you but don't know a good way to do it. :) :huggle:
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks =)
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:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:icontheredbrickwall:
TheRedBrickWall Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
I am speechless. This so so emotional, but the words flowed nicely.
I don't know you, but I hope everything turns out alright.
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you
Reply
:iconsabrinathess:
SabrinaTheSS Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013
My boyfriend shot himself in the head. We were together for about a year when his best friend died, and he couldn't handle the grief. It hurts still, and he did this in November. Please just hang in there, alright? You're worth it. This is a very well written poem, so keep it up. Keep writing to let off your emotions in a positive way. I do the same thing. *hugs* Stay strong.
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so sorry for your loss, and thank you for the hugs *hugs back*
Reply
:iconsabrinathess:
SabrinaTheSS Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
think nothing of it *little smile* every good person has been through something to make them understand and be better for the world. no one is perfect, and it is nothing to strive for
Reply
:iconkara4398:
kara4398 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:( I don't want to put you down.. I just want to bring you up. I have a friend who could relate to this. She hides her pain very well and so it always comes as a dreadful surprise when I'll hear news that she attempted suicide again. This just makes me want to crawl through the screen and give you a humungo hug. I feel your pain and I know what it's like but I'm sure there are tons of people out there who really do care for you. God loves you and he does have a plan for you. I realize you probably don't believe a word I'm saying but that's ok. Life gets better with time. I promise. <3
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you, though very hard to believe, words of encouragement are always nice
Reply
:iconkailani-e:
Kailani-e Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
:hug:
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:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks =)
Reply
:iconkailani-e:
Kailani-e Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
You're welcome
Reply
:iconxxvzeusvxx:
xXvZEUSvXx Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This was...
This was....
I'm sorry but words can't describe. I wasn't sure to giggle or cry. This was emotional.
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks
Reply
:iconxxvzeusvxx:
xXvZEUSvXx Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That was really good though.
Can u read one of my poems and tell me what you think? I'd really appreciate it!
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you, and I like your stuff, very creative and with a lot of emotion. I feel like you're talking to me when I read it. The only think I would say is check your grammar a bit, k? other than that, awesome, keep writing and drawing =)
Reply
:iconxxvzeusvxx:
xXvZEUSvXx Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol I know. I have spell check on so I don't bother reading it when I'm done but its too late after I post and when I re-read it I feel HORRIBLE! Lol I don't sit for hours or minutes at a time to come up with a poem, I just let it flow out. That's why I have so many errors. I'll take this in mind next Time I write and read it lol. Thnx
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
no problem!
Reply
:iconxmoonlightangelx:
xMoonlightAngelx Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No comments, just this :huggle:
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
awww thank you
Reply
:iconxmoonlightangelx:
xMoonlightAngelx Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are welcome
Reply
:iconblueheron93:
blueheron93 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Student Writer
:iconsadhugplz: I hope you feel better soon. :heart:
And this is very good. I like how it feels like there might be hope in the parts where somebody's calling and crying. It feels like somebody cares, but it can't be noticed yet. I think a lot of suicidal people can relate to that, since it always feels like nobody cares, but of course somebody always does. You reflect that very well.
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:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much =)
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013   Writer
Can't remember if I hugged you before on this one, but you're getting a hug now :hug:

This is long, and while some of the technicalities may be off what it 'lacks' in that aspect it makes up for in emotion, imagery and story-telling. And that's my critique for the day - because I know that with raw poetry like this often any comment picks at the scab.

If you really wanted to be left alone ducks you would have disabled comments. The fact that you didn't means that there is still some spark of something left within you that is reaching out. I hope you connect with one of the hands that are reaching towards you soon.
Reply
:iconjecibubbles:
jecibubbles Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Story of my life
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:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry
Reply
:iconenoughsilence13:
EnoughSilence13 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I can relate SO much, and beautifully written.
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you,but I'm sorry that you can relate
Reply
:iconmdngtrain:
MdngtRain Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013
(hugs) can totally relate to all of it. Sometimes the telling takes the artistry out of it, or leaves it only to your eyes. Sometimes there are no words to make the reader feel exactly what it all is...
but before you go experimenting, try lifeline.org, or crisischat.org... they can be helpful sometimes. if talking's more your thing, 800-273-talk.
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks, I'll look into it
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Suicide is never the answer. You must fight. Do or die. Anything is better than giving up.
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:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'll try to remember that
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Thanks.
Reply
:iconfennecfoxee:
FennecFoxee Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Professional Writer
I think like this all the time... You did a great job with this. :)
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:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you
Reply
:iconshannonmeep:
shannonmeep Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013
tears T-T
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:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
o no =(
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:iconlollipopartist:
LollipopArtist Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Its super good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you =)
Reply
:iconlollipopartist:
LollipopArtist Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) ur welcome
Reply
:iconmari-on-tea:
Mari-On-Tea Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That feeling =/ But I did enjoy reading this!
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad!
Reply
:icontayla19:
Tayla19 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
wow, this is a really powerful and emotional piece of writing... i wrote one just like this (heres the link, [link] ) and i can relate to the way you were feeling when you wrote this. chin up, and if you ever need someone to talk to, im all ears =)
Reply
:iconlostmyslef:
lostmyslef Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you, and I'll check out yours as soon as I get the chance
Reply
:iconenemom:
Enemom Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hey you. with my soul and feels. give them back. ;u;
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