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My smileMy smile was once so easy,
a thing of joy and pride,
but over these years of darkness,
the ease has slowly died.

I find it's no longer truth,
but simply a lying mask.
It hides away the misery,
the hauntings of my past.

I refuse to look at pictures.
I see what others ignore.
The uneasiness of my smile.
How it has turned into a chore.

Will I ever truly smile,
with joy, pride, and truth,
or will I never know a smile?
Will it die with the rest of my youth?

Please, i wish to laugh,
to smile without a care,
but I'm not good enough for this,
and I guess that is fair.
I LiedCheated, betrayed,
that's what I've done to you
I should've cried, should've stayed,
I understand if we're through.

The truth was right there,
in the back of my mind.
You might've even cared,
comforted me, been kind,

but I was so scared,
how could I say the truth?
I have never dared
to tell the horrors of my youth.

So I locked them up tight,
told another lie.
I did what was right,
though it urges me to cry.

You don't need to know,
the memories are for me.
I wish I could let them go,
just let someone see,

but they're my curse,
so leave me be,
until my ride in the hearse,
the death of me.
Train to NowhereI'm on a train,
going nowhere,
Can't see through the rain,
I try not to care.

It's moving too fast,
but how do i slow?
Am I running from my past,
or just eager to go?

I know I should stop,
try to get a grip,
but this train is on lock,
and my sanity begins to slip.

Would it be so bad to ride,
to let this train go on?
We all know that I lied,
that I'm too far gone.

I can never be me,
no matter how I try.
Can't you see?
This has all been a lie.

So I'll sit and relax,
let the train run.
Maybe the train will crash.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Time To GoYou climbed all the way up,
just to fall so far down.
You're screaming in fear,
but no one hears a sound.

And as you fall into the dark,
that you fought so hard to ignore,
you begin to realize
this is what you've waited for.

As your heart goes cold,
and you no longer feel,
you smile just slightly,
hope this is real.

No more fighting,
no more screams,
say good-bye
to all the bad dreams.

You'll be alone now,
what you've always wanted.
Your fears can no longer reach.
You'll never again be haunted.

So smile as the darkness
wraps you up tight.
Embrace the cold touch,
ignore all the light.

You'll be happier here,
this I know.
Soon I'll join y
My Immortal FriendWhere are you,
my sweetest friend?
When did our friendship
come to an end?

I don't remember much,
but I know you're there.
I can feel your presence,
heavy in the air.

My immortal soul,
you should be gone.
Your heart stopped beating.
Your time is done.

And yet you stay,
unseen but not unknown.
Do you still recognize me?
I know I've grown.

Were you always here,
or did you just come back?
Why can't I see you?
Is there something I lack?

He sees you though.
I know it's true.
His innocent eyes
always pointed towards you.

Are you his friend now?
What happened to me?
Did we have a fight?
Just let me see.

I don't understand.
What went wrong?
W
FallingThis feeling in my chest,
Like I'm about to burst,
And I cannot find the words
To correctly describe this curse.

I want to scream till I'm hoarse,
Smack my hands against the wall,
As I struggle to express
My emotional f
        a
            L
          L
That's what it is,Falling.
Down my sanity goes.
I have to find a grip
Before this free fall comes to a close.

But I cannot find my voice.
The whispers tickle at my ears.
Is it finally going to end,
After all of these years?

Find a grip.
Can't, this is the end.
Wish i could find the strength
To say good bye to my friend.

And a love that I'll miss.
One I was grateful for.
I love you ple
Secret WordsI know you need help.
It's so plain to see.
Please don't hurt yourself.
You can count on me.

I'll hold you when it's tough,
wrap you up tight.
I know life is rough,
but I'll be your light.

I love you, I do.
You're everything to me.
you don't believe it's true,
but I want to set you free.

I'll be your rock
when all your strength is gone.
I'll be your lock
when everythings gone wrong.

So please don't cry,
my love, my life.
I know you want to die,
but I'll help you through the strife.

Because I'll be there to catch you
when everything falls apart.
I love you, it's so true,
with all of my heart.
I Say No?How many times can you lose it all,
before you never get it back?
How many times can you fall,
till you land with a crack?

I get so close to the end.
So close to letting it go.
But something always seems to mend,
always tells me no.

I want to die,
but I need to go on.
I begin to cry.
I just want this to be done.

So don't keep me here.
It's time to go,
But now I begin to fear,
it's me that says no.
My SongThe music swirls all around,
till all I hear is the joyous sound,
twirling, spinning, moving me,
and the endless notes are all I see.

The beat becomes my hearts own.
I feel as though the light has shown,
and all the sadness fades away,
and I finally see a happier day.

My lips part, and I sing along
To such a redeeming, beautiful song.
These moments come and go too fast.
I enjoy them greatly as they last.

I laugh in glee.
I feel so free.
What magic is this,
this utter bliss?

Stay with me, my pretty song,
with you the days don't seem so long.
With you I am so filled with hope,
I know with you, somehow I'll cope.

Together we'll stay.
You'll
I Met MeToday I met a girl,
and she asked, "How are you?"
"Just fine," I replied.
She said, "No, tell me what's true."

Perplexed, I stopped and stared.
She was young, no older than eight.
Her eyes were still innocent.
They knew no hate.

"What did you say?"
I asked in confusion.
"You know what I mean," she said.
This girl was in a delusion.

Trying to be kind,I replied,
"No I do not."
She frowned and replied,
"You lie quite a lot."

Now I was agitated.
What does this girl know?
Acting like she's so intelligent.
I'll just tell her to go.

"Let me explain!"
She exclaimed in haste.
"I know you're not alright.
I know you feel misplaced."

What?
How in
The DreamThe smile makes me shiver.
Cold runs down my spine.
I know what he wants,
wants to take what's mine.

But I won't let him.
No, now this is my story.
I will be the victor.
He can't have the glory.

He lurches forward,
but I knew he would.
I remember everything now.
I do what I should.

I jump to the side,
run for the door.
I smile at the "thump"
as he hits the floor.

I've nearly reached the handle,
suddenly I feel his hand.
No, I have to keep trying,
but I don't understand.

Why am I fighting?
He would never hurt me.
I let go of the handle,
turn around easily.

He smiles once more,
something tells me to run,
but why would I leave him?
We alwa
With YouHold me tight,
Please don't go.
I'm falling apart,
falling down so low.

Like a rag doll I'm tearing,
seams falling apart.
I can't sew them back up,
wouldn't know where to start.

I need your help,
but I'm too scared to say,
too scared to reach out,
tell you to stay.

You're my only hope,
like it or not.
My chances are slim,
but I'll give it a shot.

So hold me up,
don't let me fall,
just tell me it's okay,
answer my call.

That's all you need to do,
and I'll be alright.
With you by my side,
I'll stand up and fight.
TightropeI don't look down,
don't look back,
ignore the chills
all down my back.

I can feel their arms,
steady at my sides,
my truest hopes,
my loving guides.

They keep me on track,
no need for fear.
I've got them for comfort,
my friends so dear.

But sometimes one fades,
their arms tired and annoyed,
and I'll start to slip,
my balance destroyed.

I need them both,
or surely I'll go,
down down down,
ruining the show.

As long as I have them,
I'll keep going on,
until I figure this out,
until the tightrope is gone.
Memories?How do you stay sane,
when the screams echo in your ears?
This is not a game,
these are living fears.

I'm searching for the truth,
but find only confusion.
Was it a secret in my youth,
or just an illusion?

Did he really hit her,
or was it a dream?
It's all such a blur,
and things aren't always as they seem.

Should I ask them?
No, they'd never tell.
Was it enough to condemn?
Will he go to hell?

Did he really do it?
Do I even want to know?
Maybe I should quit,
let the memories go.

Ignorance is bliss,
that I know too well.
The memories, I dismiss.
Send them all to hell.
Not Good EnoughNot good enough for me,
not good enough for you,
maybe all the insults
are simply what's true.

What can I say?
Nothing, I'm done,
so sick and tired
of having to run.

So this is the end,
the last puzzle piece,
the very last straw,
the pain will soon cease.

I won't have to struggle.
There will be no pain,
and everyone's lives
will go on quite the same.

Because I am just me.
The greatest disappointment of all.
So say good-bye,
as I start my free fall.
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More from ~lostmyslef

GodI am not invisible,
For God can see.
I am not unspoken,
For God can hear.
I am not unloved,
For God loves me,
And I am not alone
Because God is always there.
Tick TockTick tock,
goes the clock,
ticking life's time away.

Tick tock,
goes the clock,
every second of every day.

Tick tock,
tomorrow's coming.

Tick tock,
then it's time.

Tick tock,
your time to go.

Tick tock,
you're gone.
I wish I may...Hopes.
Dreams.
Everything in between.
seem so far away,
wish i could catch them,
tie them up,
make them stay,
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
everyday, everynight,
but never do i see the sight.
Songsinging, song
helps me get along.
Pulls me away from the hardships of life,
away from the beautiful knife.
Helps me live a little longer,
feel a little stronger.
For a moment I am gone,
but not for long.
Soon I'll come back,
happy to give the knife another crack.
ScaredYou're scared.
Scared you're not loved,
scared the screams won't stop,
scared your voice will be forgotten,
scared you've lost yourself,
and can't ever find her again.
SometimesSometimes, you want to run.
Hide from the world's ridicule in a safe place.

Sometimes,you want to feel the cold pain
of a knife in your veins.

Sometimes, you want to scream
just to hear your true voice again.

Sometimes, you decide it's too much
and take just enough to escape.

Sometimes,you take too much
and can't get back.

Sometimes, that seems like a bad thing.
Most of the time,that feels perfect.

Featured in Groups:

:iconopen-mic-poetry: #Open-Mic-Poetry
All poets are welcome :iconsoul-poets: #Soul-Poets
Our very souls are our creation! :iconwrite-until-you-die: #Write-Until-You-Die
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You're not alone. We care :iconwriters-spotlight: #Writers-Spotlight
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We Write to Cure

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[x]

Won't Give In

:iconlostmyslef:

I'm getting weak,
can't find the light.
Too tired to try,
Too tired to fight.

I want to give in,
let my grip slip,
start the fall,
let myself trip.

But I can't let go.
I need to stay here.
Despite all the hardships,
despite all my fear.

I'll keep going.
I won't give in.
Though I feel like dying,
though my chances are grim.

So say hello to me,
this act I put on,
till my time comes,
till God says I'm done.
:iconlostmyslef:
This is an awful poem I wrote today at school, it's awful, but I felt terrible about not submitting any deviations today, so here you go!
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:iconanythingbtordinary:
Mood: Wow! ~AnythingBtOrdinary May 25, 2013
Nothing you write is awful. It ALL has a purpose. If one person doesn't like it...who cares. Your writing may one day give someone the strength to continue on with life (or maybe it already has). I love the child-like feel that your writing seems to always have. It has a child-like innocence (in a kid's mind sometimes where they are in life seems like its too hard, when looking back its really not) but without the selfish brattyness of today's youth. And no I'm not saying that all of today's youth is bratty, but it certainly feels like it.
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:iconlostmyslef:
~lostmyslef May 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you seem to like my writing so much, and it warms my heart to know that it could help people
Reply
:iconrenosgirl77:
Mood: Love ~RenosGirl77 Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This's really, really good!! :) It really imparts a message of hope - so long as you never give up, things will always get better.

"Please don't give up. Because there might be someone out there only *you* can help, only *you* can save. Don't take the chance of letting them down." :)
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:iconlostmyslef:
~lostmyslef Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks sosososo much!!
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:iconrenosgirl77:
~RenosGirl77 Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem!! :) Just what I believe.
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:iconmiuru-chan:
~Miuru-chan Feb 5, 2013
I know that feeling... I don't have that feeling very often, but I know how it feels. It's good that you won't give up! (:
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:iconmagicaljoey:
`MagicalJoey Feb 4, 2013   Writer
It's not awful, it brings across a message of hope, that you won't give up despite badly wanting to.
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:iconlostmyslef:
~lostmyslef Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, but i really don't think it's all that good
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